Chortle Portal

I’m Kind of a Big Deal

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Today was a damn good day. I had a ball participating in Jessica Slavin’s Wednesday Poetry Club at jessicaslavin. The poem of the week was “Noiseless Patient Spider” by Walt Whitman, and the discussion was titillating and oh-so satisfying! The kids and I had a fun time swimming at our city pool (and probably ingested an unacceptable amount of urine and feces)—one of my favorite things to do in the summer. The icing on the cake, though, was realizing that I received the Sunshine Award. It was bestowed upon me by Miss Fanny P. at The Adventures of Miss Fanny P. I’m not fond of telling people what they should or shouldn’t do, but you should go check out her blog. It’s funny, smart, and totally relatable. Thank you for the honor, Fanny!

Now, to answer Fanny’s ten questions:
1. Do you believe in love at first sight?
No, but I do believe in love at first conversation.
2. If you could go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?
I wish I would have spent more time with my mom when she was alive.
3. What’s are you scared of?
I fear any type of harm befalling my children.

4. What’s your biggest pet peeve?
My husband, who is the object of many of my pet peeves, sometimes pronounces “S” words with an “S-h” for no apparent reason. Once we were talking about the Holocaust and he used the word “Shwastika.”
5. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?
I love my home.  I am pretty happy where I live right now, in Omaha. It’s hard to admit that, because I am not a typical Midwesterner. But my heart is here. I wish I could travel more, though. I have never been to Europe.

6. What’s your most embarrassing moment?
I had an epidural during each of my daughters’ births. But when I had Piper, the anesthesiologist really did me right! Homeboy doped me up so well that I could not feel a damn thing below my belly button for several hours. The nurses had to move my legs around for me because I could not even lift them to roll on my side or bend my knees. Nothing. I was a little afraid that I was paralyzed, but I honestly didn’t care because I was so relieved not to feel the contractions. Anyway, I would rip ass, loud and hard, and I had absolutely no warning that it was coming. I would have thought it was someone else doing it if I couldn’t see the look on my husband’s face. It was ridiculous. But funny.
7. What was your worst subject at school?

8. How many times did you sit your driving test before you passed?
Passed first time, baby.

9. What’s your worst trait? (Be honest now! I don’t want to read “I’m a perfectionist” and other such lame answers)
I get really, irrationally angry when I’m hungry (HANGRY!) or in pain (PAINGER!)

10. What’s your best feature?
I am authentic.

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4 thoughts on “I’m Kind of a Big Deal

  1. Congrats on the well deserved recognition. And thanks for the shout out. And shwastika, oh my, that is the funniest thing I have heard in a long time.

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