Chortle Portal

My Vajayjay’s Painin’

tumblr_m1xqtfP6Kp1qcri28o1_500_thumb[1]I have one hundred followers (jk, I only have 98 followers but I’m a big fan of rounding-up) and this is making me feel pretty damn good!  Having “followers” is just fun.  I like to picture myself as Jesus leading my followers through a land of cacti sprouting pubic hair in place of spines.  I’m having a Kanye West moment–Hold on Huffington Post, I’mma let you finish, but my blog is more deserving of the traffic!  Seriously, though, thank you to everyone who follows my blog!

Lest my ego get too big, my daughters are usually available to knock me down a few pegs.  Last night I drove my older two kids, Layla and Piper, to their grandma’s house.  They left this morning on a five day grandparents/grandkids-only vacation through South Dakota.  The girls were slightly weepy for a half a second as we pulled out of the driveway.

“I’m gonna miss…” Layla started.

“Our home.  Simone.  Your bike,” Piper finished the sentence for her.

“How about your parents?” I chimed in from the driver’s seat.

“Yeah, I’ll miss my parents.  I’ll miss Dad more…” Piper said, and I gasped.  Wha wha what??!

“Dad does more stuff with us.  Like takes us to get ice cream,” was Piper’s reasoning.

But I needed no rebuttal.  Layla defended me damn well.  “Piper, how could you say that?!  Mom held us both in her body for nine months!  And when she pushed us out it really hurt her vagina!!”

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9 thoughts on “My Vajayjay’s Painin’

  1. Congratulations!! 🙂 And thank you for making me smile, both with your witty title and the last sentence of your post. I was having a sort of down day and this post definitely brightened it up! 🙂

  2. I nominated you for the Liebster award. You may have already gone through the process, because you are a champ! Just want you to know I love your posts!

  3. i try not to “follow” asi know i’d simply be on my app on my phone reading instead of raising my kids. I save you in my Fave on my PC but i will especially follow u to up your numbers and let u know i do follow XXXX

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